Have you noticed that the overwhelming majority of blogs are anonymous?
Have you noticed that in all Frum newspapers and magazines, the overwhelming majority of letters to the editor are anonymous? Occasionally, someone will sign their initials, but an actual name is rare. In one newspaper there are weeks when there can be twenty or so letters, and every single one of them is anonymous.
In my opinion, this is indicative of how judgmental and discriminating our community has become. People are afraid to express their opinions and feelings, fearing the inevitable backlash and criticism that can develop. Accordingly, everyone feels the need to “cover their back” and express themselves anonymously. It’s a terrible shame that we can no longer have a civilized, respectful and open dialogue without fear of recrimination.
Even a Rav recently confided in me that nowadays before issuing a Psak he must analyze two independent areas. Firstly the relevant material to issue the correct ruling, and secondly how his Psak will be received. How appalling and sad that even Rabbonim are afraid to express their true opinions.
To emphasize my point I would like to quote a sentence printed in a leading Frum newspaper last week.
“Whether it is because they fear for their reputation, their children’s Shidduchim or getting their children into schools, people usually run away from being associated with campaigns that are not to popular or aim to shake the status quo.”
These lines speak for themselves. Regardless of what the subject of the article was, apparently if someone feels that the status quo could use some change or improvement, he will fear for his reputation, his children’s Shidduchim, and for his children not being accepted into schools.
Obviously, I am not referring to ideas that run counter to Torah. Such ideas have no place in a Torah-true community. However, the majority of such letters are sincere people trying to bring attention to something that in their opinion could use improvement, and yet still feel the need to remain anonymous.
This is a very worrisome and troublesome phenomenon, and is certainly not a symptom of a healthy society.
Have you noticed that in all Frum newspapers and magazines, the overwhelming majority of letters to the editor are anonymous? Occasionally, someone will sign their initials, but an actual name is rare. In one newspaper there are weeks when there can be twenty or so letters, and every single one of them is anonymous.
In my opinion, this is indicative of how judgmental and discriminating our community has become. People are afraid to express their opinions and feelings, fearing the inevitable backlash and criticism that can develop. Accordingly, everyone feels the need to “cover their back” and express themselves anonymously. It’s a terrible shame that we can no longer have a civilized, respectful and open dialogue without fear of recrimination.
Even a Rav recently confided in me that nowadays before issuing a Psak he must analyze two independent areas. Firstly the relevant material to issue the correct ruling, and secondly how his Psak will be received. How appalling and sad that even Rabbonim are afraid to express their true opinions.
To emphasize my point I would like to quote a sentence printed in a leading Frum newspaper last week.
“Whether it is because they fear for their reputation, their children’s Shidduchim or getting their children into schools, people usually run away from being associated with campaigns that are not to popular or aim to shake the status quo.”
These lines speak for themselves. Regardless of what the subject of the article was, apparently if someone feels that the status quo could use some change or improvement, he will fear for his reputation, his children’s Shidduchim, and for his children not being accepted into schools.
Obviously, I am not referring to ideas that run counter to Torah. Such ideas have no place in a Torah-true community. However, the majority of such letters are sincere people trying to bring attention to something that in their opinion could use improvement, and yet still feel the need to remain anonymous.
This is a very worrisome and troublesome phenomenon, and is certainly not a symptom of a healthy society.
47 Comments:
You are right in what you say but I think that this is the norm in all societies, not just the frum society. Although your society is much tighter and smaller, I can see this being even more of a problem. To tell you the truth though, I don't think this will ever change.
i don't even begin to understand your question. you know the answer before you start. you live in lakewood and understand the pressures we have.
i like your blog but pleae post subjects that are more pressing.
thanks
This is nothing new. It has been this way since the heim.
Anyway, why don't you take the first brave step and announce your identity to the world. You haven't said anything counter Torah.
Of course nobody wants his name on anything public. Just look at what happened when a Psak was given from a very Chashuva Posek concerning using El Al. His name was posted all over the website http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/ ,
which I think is totally wrong. If a Rav issues a Psak, to afterwards blast it on a website is wrong.
I realize the website has a link to that one, otherwise it would be wrong for me to list it.
Funny how most of your commenters seem to be anon too...lol The community is way too judgemental of people who decide to speak their minds. Even though many of them have done it anonymously at one time or another, themselves, it's still considered taboo in a way to say anything that might somehow damage your name or that of your family. Of course I think the things that people consider so damaging are quickly forgotten, as are the names if they're ever found out.
Its sort of like if someone walks through a frum neighborhood wearing something not-so-frum. People look, stare, maybe even a whisper or two. But it's hardly going to make conversation once they're off the block. Just as fast as these things walk into the community they walk out.
p.s I left a much nicer comment but when I hit post it deleted it because I forgot to log in first. So please excuse the lack of something more interesting.
Stephanie –
You have a good point. Since our community is tighter and smaller, people are more fearful of the reactions to their positions.
I hope you’re wrong in writing that it won’t change. The more people feel held-back from expressing legitimate positions, the less healthy the society is.
Anonymous Jan 6, 6:50 –
Thank you for stating that you like my blog.
In my opinion this topic is an important one to introduce and discuss. You may not realize how this phenomenon directly affects many people, but it does.
Keep reading and hopefully the next post will be to your liking. :)
Anonymous Jan 6, 9:33 –
It may not be new, but I feel it is increasingly becoming more relevant. Our community is becoming more and more judgmental as time goes on. This is troubling, especially considering that it is externals that people are focusing on, not what is truly important.
You are correct that I have never written anything counter to the Torah, nor will I ever. However, I too feel affected by our community’s tendency to judge and I feel more comfortable remaining anonymous, at least for now.
By the way, why was your comment left anonymously? :)
Anonymous Jan 6, 10:02 –
What happened there was a disgrace. A Posek is entitled to express his opinion, and should not be tarred and feathered for doing so. This is but another example of what I am referring to in my post.
By the way, it seems that he was misquoted, and never really permitted flying on El Al.
Sara with no H –
Good point about all the anonymous comments.
You’re correct in observing that usually people tend to forget and move on, however with certain issue people can earn themselves a bad name which can adversely affect their where they will be able to send their children and the like, although all they did was to sincerely bring attention to something which needed improvement.
In the future, highlight your text and click ctrl-c before posting it. That way even if it gets erased you can just click ctrl-v and it’l paste it back in. I too learned from experience. :)
true point I have often wondered about. all those letters that do not even say anything objectionable, yet they still do not sign their names... When I wrote a letter to the editor, I signed my name. My husband was ready to kill me- all his buddies came over to him in shul to hock him about his wife's letter. He told me I cant do it again. so maybe that is why people dont want to sign their names - they want to make a point, but dont want people to bug them about it.
that being said, this society has become sooo jugdemental, its scary. if a guy wears the wrong sock color, it is noted and judged! people need to be allowed a little leeway. but if you think it is bad here, its way worse in other places. In chasidish circles - way more judgemental. they have to be even more "fitting in" as us. I recently had a conversation with an Israeli woman about this topic that made me appreciate Lakewood. In Israel, a GOOD girl applying for a high school can get turned down for any of the following reasons:
-she's a sphardi
-her parents are balei teshuva
-her brother is not in yeshiva
-she is not too bright
This woman told me that her husband got a driver's license and they had to keep it a secret from their families, cuz their parents would kill them! Her husband wanted to get a job after learning in kollel for awhile (Cuz they needed money) and his parents were appalled! its a bizayon to work, they told him. (he wanted to be a sofer or a rebbe!)
sorry for the long megilla, but this has been on my mind for a while. wanted to add:
All this being said, being judgemental happens in all social circles. Remember the colorado school shootings? those were done by two boys who didnt fit in to their high school and were mocked. In the black ghetto, if you study you are considered an "Oreo cookie" and they beat you up. for trying to "act white".
in the upper crust of society, if you went to the wrong college it can ruin you. Not a harvard graduate? you might not be accepted in certain circles. so all social circles have certain "norms" and expectations and we are certainly not the only ones.
Most people care too much about what other people think about them. It all hints at a huge issue, the lack of healthy self esteems and self images. I am who I make myself out to be period. And everyone can be that way.
True, rumors can affect job opportunities and impact shidduch dating, however, if we trust in Hashem we'll realize that in the end it won't matter what other people say about us.
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other word would smell as sweet." ~Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare
And your name is?????????????? Seriously though, people the world over fear the feeling of not fitting in; of breaking the mold (even though it might be "moldy" and in dire need of an overhaul). And it's not only the heimshe velt, although I dare say that it's a sentiment more accutely felt in our enclave. As I wrote on Shpitzle's blog, this post reminds me of a quote, "They cried because I was different. I laughed because they were all the same." Here's to freedom of expression - in every nuanced sense of the word.
Im so sick of the judging over all the unimportant outward signs and all the hypocrisy that I'm just about to take a step out of this world. It's not that I'm giving up on Torah and Yiddishkeit but just all the small mindedness and pettiness that comes with it in most circles. Yes, it happens in other societies, but surely we should be above it, after all we have the Torah - (note that my comment is also anonymous, as I still have one foot in the camp and haven't taken the plunge quite yet)
ORUR MAKKAH RAYAHU B'SASER.
This post, like your other ones, explains the problem very,very well. People rush to judge very quickly nowadays. The only thing you can say safely is something that's already been said, and that's very said.
Oops. Meant 'sad' as the last word...
To IFT.
Not everybody is Anonymous.Rabbi Shain, Vois is Neis are not. I respect them for this even though I will disagree with them on some posts, I still respect them.Other sites like Yeshiva World, are no better then the national enquirer ,since there is no name and nothing can be backed up by a name.
Megapixel –
Thank you for your lengthy comments with all their many points.
The story of your husband’s friends bugging him over your letter is just another manifestation of our anonymous society. Is there something wrong with someone’s wife writing a letter to an editor? His friend’s reaction sounds quite immature to me.
You may be right that this phenomenon exists in other societies too, but I feel it is worse by us. And besides, we should set ourselves a higher standard.
Rebbetzin-in-training –
You’re right. If people would trust more in Hashem they wouldn’t be so bothered by other people’s comments and reactions. But that shouldn’t excuse us of being overly judgmental.
It’s all good now –
My name? I already dealt with that in an earlier comment. :)
I’m not necessarily speaking about “breaking the mold”. Why are so many well-meaning letters signed anonymously? People are afraid to express their opinion about almost anything, and that is really sad.
Anonymous Jan 7, 10:15 –
Please don’t give up Yiddishkeit. Our Torah and her way of life are beautiful. My post is only calling attention to this so that we can all try to improve in some way. If we all take the message to heart, little by little we can make a difference.
Anonymous Jan 7, 11:58 –
I’m not quite sure I understand your point. Was anyone cursing anyone around here? Perhaps you are referring to the anonymous unfair bashing on a news blog, of a certain Rav who dared state his opinion regarding the El Al story, as alluded to above? If yes, than I agree with you wholeheartedly. That was a tremendous Chutzpah, not to mention cowardly.
Shpitzle Shtrimpkind –
Thank you for the compliment.
I like that way you put it. One can only say something that has already been said. And yes, that is very sad.
Anonymous –
Absolutely. Those who have the courage to give their identity should be commended. I too may disagree with them on some issues, but I respect their courage.
Good point so true but that's the world that we live in and it won't change.
"when I was twenty I worried about what others would think.
when I was forty I decided I dont really care what others think.
When I was sixty, I realized no one was thinking about me, anyway. They were too concerned with themselves."
Excellent Post.
The reason behind it is because we are socially undeveloped. Multiple personality types are forced into one mold. Our primary concern became image and appearance (which leads to hypocrisy).
This causes us to be "normal" in all fields of concern. A jack of all trades, and specialize in none. Most people have nothing special they can excel in, and don’t build up their self-esteem on something “special” something they have passion for.
In this sense we are all paupers, even when not in the financial sense, in the psychological sense. Very few are a Somayach Bchelkoi.
So judging is the natural result. It is a natural way to cover up insecurities within.
Then past a certain age (somewhere between 25-40) it becomes habitual for life. The insecurities is not needed for "rulings", it just spills out like a tape recording.
another important and unfortunate thing to remember also is that there are a lot of NUTCASES out there..they don't need to know your name. It is too easy to find a person these days..better to be anon. We can still say what we think..teach our children a better way because BOTTOM LINE...it all begins at home.
Socialworker/frustrated mom –
Hopefully, it can. If we all believe so, things can change little by little.
Hairnet –
Nice quote. Thank you.
Anti-judging –
Very interesting analysis. I’m afraid to say that you are right.
Stephanie –
Good point. I have actually been corresponding with some people via email, and their stories are not very nice. There are dangerous people out there, who just for spite will hurt other people.
In addition to the point made by Stephanie, which is the primary reason for anonymity IMO, is also the fact that people get a very one-dimensional view of other people by reading their posts and the like, and can be prone to misjudgment.
If people have formed judgments about you based on a more complete view of your character & personality there might not be such harm in them knowing who you are (subject to the nutcase issue) but it might be a problem to have people form judgments about you based on blog posts and the like.
Today everyone is obsessed with privacy. Any personal information is highly classified.
My blog is not anonymous because I feel that taking personal responsibility makes my posts more credible. But I think I'm the only one.
jewish philosopher, I went through your posts, your discussing hot topics there...
Up until your blog I haven't seen a real need to stay anonymous, but your blog...
I recommend you do go anonymous, or at least limit the personal information, because it will hinder the sheduchim for your kids. It's hard enough to get accepted from the outside as it is.
One slip or misunderstanding and your done. It is not very acceptable in our community to go into those topics... you are opening a can of worms... with all those counter arguments and links in the comments.
Our communities survived by using self segregation techniques. Your blog eliminates that at the core.
Doesnt take a brain surgeon
In the coming years anonymity will become less and less possible, and less relied upon. We may as well realize that we have responsibility for what we say and write, whether we do so openly or anonymously.
The bottom line is that Hashem runs the world, and anonymity will not keep you out of trouble, nor will non-anonymity get you into trouble, should Hashem decree so.
I think it's ridiculous that IFT and others complain about anonymity while remaining so. If you really think that no one should be anonymous, have the integrity to come out of the closet, or the shame not to complain about it.
(Oh, IFT, who wrote that letter to the Yated? "S.B."? Your representative initials are multiplying...)
wow - independant - you were quoted on areivim... you should see a serious spike in your stats...
Hey Moshe Y. Gluck, sorry, Hashem decreed I should get you into trouble, so I have no choice.
People go anonymous because of obnoxious people like you. IFT chose to stay anonymous for whatever reason he states. Why do you have a problem with that?
Please stop ridiculing people with good intentions, the world is a nice place "out there", if you un-ridicule within.
Fotheringay-Phipps –
Very incisive comment. Thank you.
By the way, what does your blog name mean?
Jewish philosopher –
Welcome to my blog, and thank you for commenting.
Your decision to post your actual identity is rare but commendable.
Be careful –
I guess I’ll thank you on behalf of Jewish philosopher for showing your concern.
Lady Delish –
Thanks for dropping in.
Moshe Y. Gluck –
I think you missed my point.
Obviously, Hashem runs the world and knows everything about everyone.
My point was that so many people are posting things, or writing letters to editors, that are completely and totally in line with Torah values, yet still feel the need to remain anonymous. My post was not referring to people who, Chas V’Shalom, question our Mesorah R”L. But why are all the Torah-true, legitimate, intelligent, thought-provoking, beautiful letters in many publications, almost always anonymous? It was regarding this that I wrote because we have become so judgmental that we simply can not accept someone else’s opinion, even when completely and totally in line with our Mesorah. Everyone is judging everyone. It’s simply out of control.
As for the letter in the Yated; yes, I do have many sets of initials. :) Please see my next comment.
Rafi G –
Thank you for the tip-off. But frankly, I have no idea what Areivim is, nor in regards to what was my blog quoted. I would appreciate if you, or anyone else, can send me some more information on this, preferably via email.
Anti Judging –
I don’t think Moshe Y. Gluck intended to ridicule me, though I was taken aback somewhat by the harshness of his tone.
The following letter of mine was printed in this week’s issue of Yated Ne’eman (Vol.19, #02), as the first letter in the Readers Write section on page 6.
Dear Editor,
I’d like to weigh in on the ongoing discussion about anonymous letters.
In my opinion, this is indicative of how judgmental and discriminating our community has become. People are afraid to express their opinions and feelings, fearing the inevitable backlash and criticism that can develop. Accordingly, everyone feels the need to “cover their back” and express themselves anonymously. It’s a terrible shame that we can no longer have a civilized, respectful and open dialogue without fear of recrimination.
An acquaintance of mine revealed to me that a Rav recently confided in him that nowadays before issuing a Psak he must analyze two independent areas. Firstly the relevant material to issue the correct ruling, and secondly how his Psak will be received. How appalling and sad that even Rabbonim are afraid to express their true opinions, due to the almost inevitable backlash from whoever disagrees with their Psak.
One need not look any further than last week’s Yated, where the following was written in an article by one of the Yated writers:
“Whether it is because they fear for their reputation, their children’s Shidduchim or getting their children into schools, people usually run away from being associated with campaigns that are not to popular or aim to shake the status quo.”
These lines speak for themselves. Regardless of what the subject of the article was, apparently if someone feels that the status quo could use some change or improvement, he will fear for his reputation, his children’s Shidduchim, and for his children not being accepted into schools.
This is an absolute disgrace. The overwhelming majority of letters in the Reader’s Write section are clearly from sincere, intelligent people trying to bring awareness to something, which in their opinion, is being overlooked. They are not, Chas V’Shalom, questioning Torah-true ideas in any way.
There appears to be absolutely no need for them to remain anonymous, other than the fact that our community has become so judgmental of even the most trivial of matters.
Hopefully, we can all learn the necessary lessons and become more respectful of other people’s feelings and opinions.
Sincerely,
SB
hello. i am very impressed with moshe y. gluck, someone i've always respected. i am glad that the only other unanonymous poster is a friend of mine.
now to the point; our society as well as other societies, are in need of a great yeshuah. we do not live in a true democracy. old shtet'l mentality is one thing, but todays frum society is like a mafia without a face.
peoples personal paranoyas cannot be fixed, there will always be people who have no true self identity and are petrified of what people think of them, but the discrimination taking place on the higher levels of our society must change.
the way people are exploding on blogsites shows us how much people have locked up inside.
the problem in my opinion is that the core of our society are institutions which are elite and must discriminate on a daily basis. at the jewish center should be a jewish, undiscriminatory organization that holds all jews together.
but there is no center anymore. its left and right. there are advantages of the right becoming the center. but center by definition must be open to the left and the right.
for some reason, all the paysach krohn speeches in the world cannot change the general attitude of our society. we need to unite and start many institutions based on this issue, and for most people its way easier to just go with the flow.
its lonely in the center, please join me.
hugs and love,
shmaya gestetner
Shmaya –
Welcome back and thank you for your interesting comment.
have u seen my post on the matter, bloggers version of the truth, most of the commenters there claimed that its only among us frum yddien that we are so carzy about our staying anonomous
Nuch a Chosid –
It makes sense that this phenomenon is more prevalent by us, which is why I felt the need to bring it into the open.
Hey, Shmaya, good to see you! :-)
I'm also glad that the only other non-anonymous poster is a friend of mine!
Sorry, R' IFT (AKA SB) for the harshness of my tone. I think I did understand your point. Mine was that it's hypocritical to complain about it rather than doing something about it. The more people who put their real names out there, the more people will follow them. If you want to do something about it, then YOU sign your letters to the Yated, and YOU put your real name in your blog profile. People will still read your words, and yes, maybe they will accept that your opinion makes sense. Do you think that they will respect it LESS because you signed your name?
Moshe Y. Gluck,
I gained respect for you, for your apology to IFT. Sorry for calling you obnoxious, seeing this 2nd comment it must of been an over statement. You didn't even counter attack me.
I disagree with the "hypocritical" conclusion. It's not as much a complaint as raising awareness. But I respect your opinion.
I do agree if we get a few leaders going un-anonymous, others will follow.
On the other hand the leaders need a little "testing of the waters". Anonymous blogs are an excellent way to see how the public accepts their "declarations".
It seems like a bunch of young leaders are sharpening their skills on blogs.
IYH we will soon see some new "flags" going up, that will change this world for the better.
IFT
You are attracting an amazing crowd. And channeling a lot of frustrations in a positive direction.
You open the can of worms, and expose the jewels (rich and beautiful Mesorah).
Moshe Y. Gluck –
I understand your point. However, my intention was not to complain, rather to bring awareness to this issue.
I’m not convinced that signing my name will have much of an affect on this phenomenon. But maybe you’re right, it has to start somewhere.
Anti-Judging –
You have an interesting analysis of what is taking place; young leaders, blogs, testing waters, etc. You may be on to something. Who knows?
Thank you for the kind words. My blog is a place to discuss issues respectfully & civilly, with full & unwavering adherence to our beautiful Mesorah.
I'm sure this "amazing crowd" appreciates your labeling them as such. They truly are an amazing crowd, and I'm glad you pointed it out.
Anti-judging -
See, I used my name, and now you respect me more. Maybe I am on to something, huh?
:-)
Moshe Y. Gluck –
I think he said he respects you for apologizing, not for using your real name.
But either way, we all respect your decision to not be anonymous.
IFT - I know, but what kind of respect would it be if I wasn't using my name? Respect for an anonymous nobody? What is that worth?
Moshe Y. Gluck –
I understand. But not everyone is ready to go public.
"Obviously, I am not referring to ideas that run counter to Torah. Such ideas have no place in a Torah-true community."
IFT,
Healthy socieities do not censor the expression of ideas, period. When you're willing to censor your neighbor's ideas because you think they run counter to your Torah-true values, don't complain that a climate of fear set in and even the most mundane expressions are met with shrugs.
Letz
Hasid_letz –
You have a point. But as sincere Frum Jews, ideas that are beyond the pale of traditional Judaism have no place. It may not be easy, but we must learn to differentiate between ideas beyond the pale and legitimate expressions of opinion.
There are a number of reasons for posting anonymously. I am not a posek, and I do not know as much as my rabbi or the rabbis that others here learn from. If I were to post an opinion under my name, it might appear that the opinion I express belongs to my rabbi or has been discussed with him prior to my posting it. A second reason for posting anonymously is that something I write here may reflect an encounter I had 20 years ago in another community. Someone who I daven with now may see some superficial similarity between what I write and themselves that was not intended. A third reason for maintaining anonymity is that I may refer to something that is not public knowledge. The matter may not have any great potential for embarrassment, but I am in no position to judge how others might be affected by its becoming more widely known. A fourth reason is that I am not a professional writer. I cannot judge as easily the impact of what I include or leave out, or of the tone in which I deliver it. I could harm others through clumsy writing. By staying anonymous, I can avoid some of the hurt that such writing might otherwise cause.
independentfrumthinker.blogspot.com; You saved my day again.
Post a Comment